careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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