She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
