i just google imaged poop.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
