i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Oh god it's open bar.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
