Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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