Kareoke will never be a sober sport
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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