Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
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