This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
