I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
