My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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