dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
