he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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