Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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