having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
