She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
