I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
