just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
