i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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