Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
