We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
