i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
