I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
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