I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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