we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
