just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
