i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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