What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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