haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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