She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
