I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize