i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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