words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
