Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
