I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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