So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
