Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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