I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
