did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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