'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
