i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
