oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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