i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
There are leaves in my underwear?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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