i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
