no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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