her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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