Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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