Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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