i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
it glows. i had to have it.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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