I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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