what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I need a burrito and a hug.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
