No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
