My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm too high and old for this...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize