I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I love having hate sex.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I think we might need a safe word for this...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
