i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
ok first of all what the fuck
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
