I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
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he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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