Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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