After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
