you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dating After Heartbreak
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.