I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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