i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper