someone threw a dead crab at me
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.