ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
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so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
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Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.