My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?