he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
21 People That Are Skilled At Illegal Activities
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.