He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
