boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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