We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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