I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
