my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
