I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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