remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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